Merry New Year!!

I bid a very Prosperous, Lovely, Healthy, Insightful, Fantabulous, Glamorous New Year to All!

Best Monthsary so far

We are six months now! December 28 turned into a very memorable month celebration for us. Bonn went to San Pablo last 27 December night and spent the weekend there. We already talked of the plan for the 28th, our 6th month. He said he wanted to go to Nagcarlan to see the Underground Cemetery and to Majayjay to see the

falls; so we did. When we got there, the place was closed! So we took somee photo of it and were left with no choice but to leave. So we went to Liliw, pass to Magdalena and to Majayjay town proper. Since it was our first time to go there, we didn't know what to jeepney to ride. We found we could rent the jeepney from the town proper to get us to the falls; it would cost around 400 pesos. And since it was too expensive for the 2 of us to rent the whole jeepney, we rode a trike and rented it for 150 pesos; at least we knew how to go there the next time we would bring friends with us. It was a quite long trip but it was all worth it. When we got into the place, we were in awe! The water was so clear you could almost drink it. It was cold that you could literally put your cola in it to make it almost ice-clod. The falls was in its majestic display. It was so white while it fell into the pool of water. That pool where water fell was very inviting; if only I brought spare cloth with me, I could have jumped into it. We took photos of the place; there were people camping at the moment. We enjoyed the scenery nd the serenity it brought us. Haaay, I couldn't wait to come back there. We said we'd be going with our friends for a camping next time. Around 3 in the pm, we decided to go up and waited for a jeepney that brought us into the town proper.

The jeep arrived around quarter to 5 that afternoon. The place was so cold and we were stuck there for about 2 hours or so. We couldn't stand the temperature anymore; so we diverted our attention so as not to feel the coldness. We tried dancing, taking photo, smoking, teasing each other (him teasing me most of the time,) smoking, singing, texting our friends and we even tried to eat hot noodles, but it was unfortunate the cook of the cafeteria was not there, ha! I almost insisted on cooking, it was really cold in that place! And since there was nothing we could do about it, we just said "Isipin natin wala naman nito sa Manila, i-enjoy nalang natin" haha!

We arrived at San Pablo around 730 in the pm; just in time for dinner. I was really hungry that day and he noticed it. I normally eat less than he did but that day, that night after the road trip, I ate more haha. After dinner, we watched DVD, Project Catwalk. We enjoyed the night as we did the day. It was so ecstatic and lovely and heart-felt. I told him that it was the best month-sary...so far; because there would be more month-celebration for us to come.

Soft to Callous Skin...Numb, Cold, Hard, Tough

I am not pretty sure why am I like this way. When you care to people so much and after all your effort have been wasted, you end up being hurt. Eventually you learn to gurad yourself from the pain. You see, it' like a soft skin turning into callous; if you repeatedly rub your soft skin, it feels pain over and over, but at the same time it is calling for re-inforcement. Later on, upon continuous rubbing, it grows harder, a callous, so that when you use it the next time it does not feel pain anymore.

Many times, so many times, I just want to be number and colder and harder and tougher than what I am right now; BTW I already am since time immemorial. You'll grow numb if you're continuously feeling or experiencing that same thing over and over again; if you do, you'll be cold and you won't realize you are already until someone tells you; then you'll be harder on them, not knowing you're already hurting them since you are numb and cold already; eventually, they'll think your tough. But I also am thinking, what will I become if I grew this way, or how many people will be hurt around me. My close friends, who really know me, see me, as cold-aloof-snob-hard-to-approach guy already to those I don't really know. Come on! What an iceburg will I be if I continue being this way. I am thinking why am I like this; perhaps I dont want to be hurt anymore that is why I'm guarding myself; perhaps I'm annoyed; perhaps it gives me liberty to do anything I want without caring what anyone will say; perhaps there is an image I am sculpting for myself I will be using in the future, perhaps...

But one thing is for sure, I dont like to be this way to the people I love and care about.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

No to vacation hang-over!

Christmas vacation hang-over... I hope not to have one

Thinking right now, I have so many things to do when I go back on 5 Jan. Lots of assignments in school, lots of journals to read and study, lots of lessons to lecture, haaay...

For now, I'm gonna enjoy the vacation as much as I could.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

New York, New York... Gossip Girl

Gossi Girl...what's with this series? Most are hooked-up with it. Well, I myself love to watch series films... I want to have continuity. But for those people who aren't really watching these kind of stuff, what made them do Gossp Girl?

Many had their reason for wtching this but mine was the love of the place, Manhattan, NY. The story revolves on the elite socialites of Manhattan's upper-east siders. I don't know but there was really something in NY, NY. I remembered when I went there, I was in awe and admiration. All my life I wanted to set foot in NY, and there I did! I actually saw the fifth avenue where the Waldrof shop was located; the steps where B and the rest of the bees were sitting during lunch; St. Patrick's Cathedral; even the Central Park where prince Nate was jogging! *sigh* New York, New York.

When I was there, I didn't want to go back here in the Philippines; I already wanted to live there. And so I promised myselfn I would be going back there, perhaps establish my life there. Who knew, I might meet GG, haha!

xoxo

Awww, I missed them...

Finally I'm home. Something changed. There was already a grocery store built just beside my old highschool; Traffic flow became worse; My grandmother bought a videoke CD; most of the branches of the Mango tree in the plaza was cut and a library was built! I missed this hometown. Progress was very subtle and the town pretty much bored me, still, I missed the place.

Hmm, when arrived home yesterday, I wasn't really surprised to see lots of foods in the house. My grandmoter had a habit of cooking and buying loads of foods whenever we came home. She cooked as if the whole street was going to eat! That was not a joke! Bongang bonga kung magluto; akala mo araw-araw fiesta! And of course, since we could not eat those all, most of the foods were given to our neighbors. I missed Inay; it's what we call her, although most of the times we tease her by calling her Donya.

I also hang-out yesterday with my sisters. We went out, catch-up with our lives, bought cake and ate a lot. Speaking of that cake, or should I say cakes, Pola and I were arguing which cake should be bought; she wanted black forrest and I wanted the Rainow cake. We went on asking the lady in the counter which is better. Since we were torn on which cake should we bought, we ended up buying both; petit sizes so we could taste both. It so happened that Pola wanted te taste of the Raonbow cake, ha! I told her it was going to be delicious.

When we arrived home, we watched Brothers and Sisters series but paused it for an hour becasue thet attended the Rooster's Mass. Brother's and Sisters made me feel I was a part of a big family. Maybe this had been one of my frustrations; an intact, big family. We were basically a small family compared to my second cousins; my grandmom, mom, my aunt (her sister,) two sisters and two girl cousins. I always liked to have a family get together, big family, including the extended family. Although some were annoying, but they were still part of the family. There were fights but there were still discussion for understanding and forgiveness. Then there were happy occassion but still more celebratory moments to look forward to. That was why I liked attending weddings, Christening, birthdays and birthday parties and every year, summer swimming, Christmas, New Year...these were the only events we could all be together, the whole family, including the extended ones; it made us big, it made me feel happy.

Christmas Chrsitmas

It's Christmas! 3 days from now. I already did my Christmas shopping together with my boyfriend. There were also lots of Christmas party invites, but unfortunately I wasn't able to come. But hey, I did go to at least one; the Cashmere Chrsitmas party. So many things happened that day before the party, including a fight with Bonn. I really cried that day. But before the day ended, we had a talk to discuss the issues and we're now in terms better than before. I also had my nails done, nail art! Although my boyfriend didn't like it, I enjoyed wearing it for at least two days. Then finally last night, I changed the color African plum, almost black. I will be wearing it until Christmas.


Tomorrow, very early in the morning, I will be leaving to San Pablo and spend Christmas and New year there. I hope there won't be any line in the terminal tomorrow. I couldn't wait to come home!

Conio-Mandments...ka-stress!

Last night on my way home, I was listening to Magic 89.9, Night out With the Boys. They were talking about the guidelines on how to be "conio." So, they came-up with the Conio-Mandments. I didn't lsten to all because I got tired but here are some:

Fist, thou shall make gamit "make + pandiwa"

For example, can you please make pasa the truffles.

(kelangan talaga mae pasa? di ba pwedeng pass nalang? ----conio nga e! ano ba, bakit kasi paki-elam ako!)



Second, thou shall make gamit "e, 'no, diba" in a sentence, as many times as possible, no matter where you put it and how incomprehensible it will be

Example, Kasi diba I wasn't able to attend the party e, pero you dont worry 'no,...

(Galing naman! napagsamaama ang 'no, diba, e sa isang linya! no wonder why I the sentence construction was vague)



Third, thou shall make gamit "so + panlarawan"

Example, Grabe, this place is so mabaho!
Why is it so nakakadiri naman here?!

(Grabe, you are so maarte, lam mo yun? pwede naman sabihin so stinky. hmmm, siguro di nya alam english ng mabaho ano? ...acceptable in that case. kaya regaluhan kita teh ng dictionary, basahin mo, try lang teh.)



Fourth, Thou shall make gamit "dude-pare" if you're a guy

Example, Dude-pare you're mabagal naman o, we're late.

(lul! dude-pare dude-pare ka pa dyan! if I know type mo yung dude-pare mo!)



Fifth, thou shall make gamit "I know right" in a sentence

Example, My hair dress is so maganda, I know right.?.

(pwede ba? di ko tuloy ma-quantify kung anong type ng sentence mo! What do you mean "I know right" di ka ba sure kung alam mo kung ano man yung nalalaman mo o talagang di ka lang sure sa mga pinagsasabi mo? ka-stress! a teh!)



Sixth, thou shall make gamit plural noun

Example, Yaya, let's go to the bank na, I hve many peras to deposit.

(Kala ko ba you have many "peras"? Bakit mukang di ka nakapagenroll ng basic english nung elementary?)


Well guys, it's up to you wether to use these if you want to be one of them. Ka-stress sila, nawindang ako!

It's getting well

I did get my starbucks planner! This time, it's already mine.

Sittie and I also posed for Bonn assignment in his phtography training. The theme/subject was a portrait of people in their environment. So took a photo of Sittie and me in the laboratory. I hope he had good shots last night.

Then I am about to finish checking papers and finally computing their grades. I ally hope all will pass the course.

My assignments in grad school are also almost done; just need a little polishing.

I do wish it's Christmas break already. Magpapahinga talaga ako ng bongang bonga!

The "Will Be's" Today

It's a gloomy Friday today.

I have been busy this past few days. So many work to do (remeber the list of things I told you?) those are the things. I am somehow relieved because I was able to finish many of those things. Now, what I still need to do is to start correcting my student's papers and compute their grades. I believe next week, my prof in Advance Cell and Mol Bio will be sending us journal as a take home task...again. So, yeah, I guess better do things fast before it all start to pile-up again.

Hmmm...today, I will be getting my new fone (cross fingers.) My aunt told me she'd be giving me new one; we're going to meet lunch time at her office. 'Good thing is, she's just 2 blocks away from where I'm teaching.

What else, oh, I will also be getting a copy of the 12th episode of Gossip Girl 2 from one of my colleagues; and, I'm only 5 stickers away from geeting my second Starbucks Planner. I alread commissioned the Barista to reserve me the red one because I pretty sure I'll be done with the stickers beofre this day ends. Btw, I gave the first one to Bonn, my boyfriend, as a gift when he passed the licensure exam for teachers.

So far, everything is good; I hope all will stay this way...

KABA

Have you ever felt a jolt of fear while doing something that is totally not frigthening at all? Or while walking on your way home or school, suddenly kinabahan ka, out of no where, with no reason para kabahan?

These circumstances happened to me more often than not. Sa paulit-ulit na na nangyayari sakin'to, I have learned that something is going to happen; when I felt nervous all of a sudden, without any reason to, something unusual is about to happen. I will either have a "good nervous" or "bad nervous" feeling. The day I was held-up, I felt nervous; The day I received a fone call from DOST, I sensed it. But last night was one of the strongest.

Since last Thursday, I already had a jolt, just a jolt, of nervy, uneasy feeling. Then it automatically dawned to me that this means something, and so I prayed one Our Father. The following day, it reccured; so I prayed again. Then last night, it came back, and it came back big. It wasn't like those I felt last week; it's different. I'm with Bonn, Zico and Bobby. Suddenly while we're chatting, I had this very, very, very uneasy feeling to the point that my body is having tremors already; literal tremors, I was shaky. So I told Bonn, just in whispers. He asked me what's it all about, pero kahit ako 'di ko rin alam. The moment I had that feeling last night, I offered a prayer. It's a pretty powerful tool. I learned it from my mentor. Anyway, my boyfriend offered that I'd stay in his place last night because of this. At first I said no, but then I was really scared, still shaky-scared, and so I stayed at Bonn's place.

Kagabi while already in bed, naiisip ko na para naman akong may sira ng ulo nito; natatakot sa walang dahilan? I mean, I felt scared, but why? I don't know. What I'm certain of is that whenever I have this feeling, it's trying to forewarn me of something. I just really prayed that whatever it is I felt last night won't happen because it's going to be pretty unpleasant, hugely unpleasant.

'Have to catch up...it's piling-up, it's piling-up!

I so wish it's still vacation! Ang dami kong gagawin but I'm still not in the mood to do any of it. I have to:

• Finish the research proposal in Analytical Microbiology
• Make a ppt report on filarial worms for Advanced Medical Parasitology
• Tapos 'am going to check the quizzes, execises and laboratory reports of my students
• Then finalize the final exam in Inorganic/Organic Chem
• Have the quarterly inventory of the equipment in 4 laboratories
• Not to mention the inventory of equipment and apparatus in the Simulated Hospital (from the reception area, ER, OR, DR, ICU...)
• After the exams, computation of grades...mamomroblema na naman ako sa mga babagsak, haay..
• Then I also have to buy new mobile fone, due to a recent unfortunate event

Sana bumalik na yung energy ko to do these all T_T

Iskolar na'ko!!! Wooohoooo!!!!

At last! It is now official!

I have waited for this scholarship for more than a month and finally, DOST officially released the qualifiers last 23 Nov on Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer and Manila Bulletin. O diba bonga, three major newspapes of the country! hahaha.

We are all 300+ for this semester out of thousands of applicants all over the Philippines! Because of this, I will be able to finish my gaduate studies for free and with stipend too, haha!

New opurtunity, new chapter, new journey...

To Sittie, Nikki and all DOST scholars...... CONGRATS TO US ALL!

All the Best for You...

Yesterday, one of my student's mother came to school and had a talk with me. All along, she knew that her son went to school everyday. So she went to school and did find every professor to whom her son was enrolled to. I told her that since last month her son did not come to class anymore and that he already spent the maximum allowable absences for a 3-unit subject; because of this instance, he's already failed. She cried when I informed her of this... This kid was their only child and only wanted all the best for him...

I felt what she was feeling at the moment. It was so hard for parents, mothers, to see her child fail on anything, especially if she knew that her child can do it; not to mention of course the time and the money wasted. Lots of parents were giving more than what they could just to make sure their kids will have a bright future. Every parent were doing this not because it was their responsibility, but because they love their child.

This child was very lucky to have two parents rearing him, giving him what he wanted; I did not have the same luck. My father and mother broke up when we were young; we were taken care of by my mother. At that point I was just a child, it was so hard for me to deal with these things at my age. I was the oldest among 2 sisters and the only guy left in the family; seriously, all the memeber of my immediate family were girls. What happened to the fathers? Well, asked them. Anayway, I was 10, the only guy, oldest, and so we were already talking of the future, of what should I become. At that age, I already felt the pressure to strive hard to have a succesful career one day. There were times I want to give-up already; what do you expect, I was just a kid, literally. But then I fought this, gradually, and told myself I will never be like those kids who stayed affected all their lives because of a series of unfortunate events. The moment I stepped highschool, I studied hard. Instead of having myself burried on forlorned past, I focused myself on what am I going to be on the future. So started it by studying hard until I had my Bachelor's degree. In this way, I did not only make myself proud, I even made my family prouder. during my graduation, I saw them as if they were relieved of stress, as if nothing mattered at the moment but to see me went up that stage and received that diploma.

So for you teens, you might not be realizing what I already realized when I was younger than you are right now... but someday, when you already have your child, you will know all these things; all what your parents are feeling and experiencing. Yes, you might be to young to worry lots of stuff, but there are always limitations and there is also what we call empathy... to the ones who love you. If you have a problem, your parents are there to help you. Ultimately, they will be the people you're going to call when no one seems to care for you; they will never stop loving you no matter what you have become.

Hold-up! Hold-up!

Damn!

It was my first time to have experienced it. I was held-up yesterday when I was on my way to UST. There were lots of people in the jeep and a man, wearing long sleeves and tie, sat beside me. He then used his jacket to cover my right leg and his left leg. Suddenly, I felt pressure on my right leg, I thought he was just adjusting his position since we were really very compressed inside the jeep. But then he immediately whispered "wag ka sisigaw, celphone mo." So I was in shock and frightened at the same time. I wanted to shout and call for help but everything seems to happen so quickly. He put more pressure on his knife and so my pants were torn, very near the pocket; and since it has been torn, the blade of the knife sliced my skin. The fear I'm having at that moment intensified and it sank to me that this man is serious on getting my phone at whatever means possible. Out of fear that he could do lots of physical damage to me, I gave it, in a very subtle manner, beneath his jacket. It was at that precise moment I gave him my phone when the jeep stop for traffic; so, the hold-upper immediately went out of the jeep and ran.

I was still in shock after the incident. I can't move or can't say anything. I just waited for the vehicle to stop to my destination and went out of it. I went to grad school and found Nikki. I told him the story and Sittie came. I asked her to tell Bonn of the incident. At about 9 in the eve, he came and, together with Zico and Bobby, they accompanied me to my apartment.

This was one hell of an experience. The phone really didn't matter, my life did. Bobby asked me what's the moral of the story, I said "magtrabaho sila!"

To all those hold-uppers, snatchers, and other illegal "ers" out there, have a F*&$%^G sensible life!

Have I Gone Mad?

I wasn't really inspired or that enthusiastic to do things this past few days. Every morning, I play lively music while on my way to school. I have very early class, everyday and so I need to be lively even though my body still wants the company of my bed. But lately, instead of playing loud and waking music, it then suddenly hit me that I wasn't in the mood to hear these stuff. I listen into mellow music, and imagine, early in the morning. Then I go to class explaining the lesson to my students with less enthusiasm. Althoug I didn't compromise explaining the details of the topic, I wasn't really in the mood to explain things in a lively manner. Then there's a lot of papers piled-up in my cubicle, papers that need to be corrected and graded. Let's not forget about the reading assignments in grad school; it's also occuying too much space in my table already. Then two days ago, I had an argument with my boyfriend; and this morning, my sister told me it was her last day of training yesterday, so this means she'll have to go home today and that I'll be left in the apartment alone...again. And lately, lots of things irritate me. Small traffic jam, it irritates me; Slow-walking people, they irritates me; Queue on a counter, it irritates me; Waiting for something, it irritates me. Show-offs, they irritate me; Stupid people, they irritate me; If you have nothing sensible to say then don't talk at all! To top it all, one of my students in Biochem laboratory class accidentally broke a tube containing combustible compound; what happened? we almost blew off! All gas valves are open and so are the burners since experiment involving the use flame is on-going. I specifically told them not to overheat the tube for there is a tendency for it to break; hence, spilling the compound conatined in there which is, by the way, flamable. But no, they didn't listen. So the unlikable happened and if it wasn't for quick wit, the lab could have exploded, including us in it! Grrr! Right now, I couldn't do anything but to have the biggest sigh.

What's with the world lately! Or, what's with me lately? Do I have a period? I am not even anatomically allowed to have one, but what's happening? I tried to find ways to deviate my attention, to do things that could make me feel good and help me go back to my track, but none gave a success. I have tried to approach lots of people, most especially those who are dear to me, for help...but it is unfortunate for me that they're all busy. So what do I do? I hope I could answer that.

Everyday, I'm just looking forward to go home; retire to bed to forget everything that happend for the day. My bed gives me comfort when nothing or no one else could.

Starbucks Planner on the Way!

The Starbucks tradition is here again! They formally open it last 4 November and will last until 6 January next year. For those who do not know what it is, it’s their annual promo for limited-edition planner. You have to collect certain number of stickers in order to have the planner; those stickers are acquired by purchasing their coffee blends. Although I didn’t like the design of the planner as much as I did last 2006, it’s still a tradition. For this year, I started last 17 November and there are only 2 stickers left for me to fill! And by tomorrow, I could have that planner. It’s fun, but more importantly, it helps lots of lives. I don’t know with you guys, but it’s fun that you’re collecting something and looking forward to have the price in the end. Also, it is not really all about just having a Starbucks planner, it’s more of sticking to a tradition with cause. Did you know that a part of the income from this annual tradition actually goes on a good proceed? Or even just buying a tall frappe on any regular day; You did not just enjoy the good taste of Strawberries and Cream or Signature Hot Choco, but you are actually helping millions of people. Now, that is something huh? So next time you’re going to buy a frappe in Starbucks this season, don’t just think of the tradition, also think that it’s your way of helping millions of lives.

Cheers!

Night with the Strippers. . . of Some Sort

Last Saturday was one hell of an evening. Bonn and I were invited on a shower party of Zico's niece. We were supposed to have gone there around 7 in the pm but Bonn had a family dinner, short-noticed. So I sent Zico and SMS telling we ould be arriving late. I, on the other hand went home, prepared for the party and waited. Bonn's dnner finished around passed-10. I then took off to their place. We prepared some things to bring to the party and went. We arrived around 11 and some of our friends are about to leave; good thing we managed to have at least met them before leaving. Lot's of talking took place. We were expecting to have a male stripper since it is a shower party, but some of their contacts backed-out. We tried to contact more but still couldn't find any. As a result, we agreed to just go out on a gay bar. But darn darn, the bride-to-be, Diana, didn't even went with us; this is supposed to hers!

Anyway...

It was my, and Bonn's, first time to go on a gay bar, a male-stripper bar; Of course we go out on a gay scene, a dance-club gay scene, but last Saturday, we went on a real gay bar. Somewhere along Tomas Morata (and I'm pretty sure you have an idea about our where-abouts haha,) we found the place. The ambience hit us. Ladies had a higher entrance fee than we did, I don't know why. So we went inside and bang! The music and the scene hit us! a 6-something-footer hunk dancing his way on a sexy music. At first I couldn't look straight, maybe I was ashamed I don't know, but then I said, "what the heck, better enjoy the experience than shun it away." I believe it was also the girls' first time. So we watched the show and lots of male dancer did what they had to do on a sot light. They didn't really stripped all the way to the south, well not all of them, there were two (ahem, haha.) They were topless and wore very-short denim shorts. Before going there, Bonn were teasing me he'd be bringing a bib, then he said he'd be giving it to Zico (just to tease him) in case he drool. An old man, gay guy I supposed, got so drunk and slept on one of the couches. Then the personnel of the bar put a RIP sign beside him, with matching candles and flowers, like in a real wake. The sign said "RIP, rest in peace. Sa ala ala ng mga bading, matrona at iba...blablabla" Poor guy, everyone had a good laugh that hour at his expense. So now you know what NOT to do when going on such places or you would be having the same fate as with that man. So that wee-hour, we watched the show. It was ok, but really didn't enjoy it. We asked for the bill and to our woow! To our amazement, they charged customers high service rate plus tax exclusive of the prices written on the menu. What's up with that? Anyway, we paid and head our way out.

It was fun, once in a while to have expereinced those things. But a good part is that, I exerienced it together with my boyfriend; both our first time. It good to experience lots of things together with the one you love. In this way, you grow together. So that hour, almost 4 in the am, the four of us, Zico, Jarenz, Bonn and I, had a very early breakfast and went home. We arrived home with the sun already risen; had a quick wash, dealt with Bonn and finally went off to sleep.

A fight that could have ended us..

It's a very stressful week. As you can see, it has been a week ago since I last posted a blog.

Bonn and I had a fight last week. We were on our way home when I started to talk things over, issues regarding our relationship. I have not felt that he wants to spend time with me, much less that he misses me. When we're together he's texting, or doing multiply, or editing pics. We seldom have our moment together not to speak the time we spend together. Maybe I am expecting too much? Or maybe I am giving more time to him than I should? Maybe...I don't know. But what I do know is that when I love someone, I love him with all that I could give, and even more. So we have had a long discussion about this. It was past 2 in the am and we're still arguing, trying to resolve the problem. He told me he's tired and couldn't understand me, what do I want. He's loving me and to the best that could give. He's tired because he can not meet the bar of love I am giving him. Then he told me, and reiterated, that his career is more important than I am to him. Of course it hurts hearing those words form the person you love. I literally said "ouch." I don't know what to feel or what not to feel, until now. He once told me that he loves me because I love him. That gives more effort on my part; wanting to maintain the relationship alive, and his love for me, I feel the pressure to do more and show more effort...because the moment I lay-low, I'm afraid he'll lose interest and eventually fall-out. I cleared all these, and more, to him that wee-hour. We had found ways and resolved things. Things are ok now between Bonn and I. Now, I am resolving issues on myself; internal issues. I am struggling internally. I am shwoing a happy face, portraying that everything is ok, but inside there is a battle; a battle between emotion and reason. This battle weakens me so much. I just wish someone could help me. It drains me of my energy to do lots of things; teach, study, friends, family. I just want time to stop until I get things figured-out and set those right. But despite all these, evrything must go on and continue. It's tiring to be lonely and alone everynight I come home; I just want someone, who is most especial to me, to be there or at least ask how I am doing if he can't be there, do I feel ok, is anything ok at all. But it is not that way. He is inexpressive, passive and told me he's not sweet; I have accepted that.... that is why right now, I am learning to let go of this part of me; I don't want to be needy of affection anymore because it is just hurting me. Who knows things might be different, "better" different, someday between the two of us. I love him and he loves me; it's all that matters anyway.

Ama: Puno ng pamilya nga ba?

Ama... kung saan nagmula ang kalahati ng iyong kabuuan (genetically speaking...) biglang english! hirap kaya mag-tagalog! ikaw try mo. Anyway...

Sila ang itinuturing nating puno ng bahay at ng pamilya, ang gumagawa ng desisyon, ang pangunahing nagaakyat ng pinansyal na pangngailangan ng pamilya...ito ang conbesyonal na pagkakakilanlan sa mga ama, ngunit sa makabagong panahon, hindi na ganito ang pagturing sa kanila ng karamihan (grabe! effort ng bongang bonga sa tagalog na bongang bonga!)

Ano na nga ba sila ngayon? e di ama parin! LOL. Sila nga ba dapat ang breadwinner at ang mas may "say" sa karamihan ng bagay pampamilya? Dapat pa nga ba silang tawaging puno ng pamilya? Bakit nga ba naging sila ang "head of the family" at sinong herodes and nagsabi na ganito dapat?

Kanyaknaya ang opinyon, pero dahil blog ko ito, opinyon ko ang mababasa nyo rito... (holler!)

Going back...

Hindi ako ganun ka-affectionate sa mga ama in general kaysa sa mga ina. Ang katotohonan pa nga, wala akong ka-apeapeksyon sa kanila. Lumaki kasi ako na hindi sinubaybayan ng aking ama. Simula ika anim na baitang noong elementarya ay ina ko na ang bumuhay sa aming 3 magkakapatid. Their irreconcilable differences led us to be separated. Wala naman akong galit sa mga ama ng tahanan, ngunit wala rin akong keme sa kanila. Marahil ay dala ito ng pinagdaanan ko. Oo, away nila yun at talagang ‘di na sila magkasundo kaya naghiwalay; desisyon nila yung magasawa kaya wag ng panghimasukan! Ngunit maari mong tanungin, bakit sa ina ko ako may apeksyon at wala sa ama? Dahil ang ina ko ay hindi kami pinabayaan at binitiwan. SIya ang nagpaaral, nagpakain, bumubuli ng mga pangangailangan naming. Takw note, walang katulong yan sa buhay, madeskarte talaga! Nasaan si pudang? just around, may kiyeme siguro, pero di ko ramdam. Galit ako? Oo, noong una, bongang bonga! Pero kalaunan ay nawala rin ang galit ko… nawalan ako ng nararamdaman sa kanya. I became indifferent. Totoo yung sinasabi nila na “hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.” Ganun na ako ngayoon sa aking ama. Dahil rito ay naapektuhan rin ang pagtingin ko sa mga ama, pangkalahatan.

Ang kapal ng mukelya kapag nakakaita ako ng ama na ang trabaho ay pal! Pal-amunin, o kung hindi pal, walang kntribusyon pinansyal kahit konti. Tapos humuhingi na nga ang misis mo tulong kasi pagud na pgud na, ikaw naman lagging, “pasensya na, walang mahanap na trabaho e.” Aba, mahiya ka naman ng bongang bonga! Yung asawa ngrag na sa paghahanap ng ipapakain sa inyo, ikaw wa tulong. Kung kinakailangan mong magtanim ng kamote at ibenta sa palengke e gawin mo; may responsibilidad ka sa pamilya mo! Tapos nariyan pa yung makukuha nilang mangahasa ng anak! Isipin mo, 6 y/o or less, ginalaw mo tapus anak mo pa! Aba tatang, kung ikaw kaya ang ipa-bona ko sa 30 kabayo, tingnan ko lng kung makalakad ka pa. At eto pa, pal na nga, naghahasa pa, aba adik pa! Naghihirap na nga si misis, nakukuha mo pang humithit, mahal kaya per gramo yun! luxurious? Hindi lang yan, dahil nga wala ng ibang mapaglibangan sa bahay, nakuha pang mangaliwa. Kapal talaga ng pes! Tapos pag nabuntis, tatalikuran rin. Sa ganito kaba hihingi ng pahintulot? ganito ba ang puno ng pamilya kung tawagin? Ka-stress kayo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kaya na lang ang pag-gamit ko ng exclamation point ay bongang bonga!!!!!!!!!!

Hindi lang dapat ang ina, or kahit ang ama alone, ang bumubuhay sa pamilya at nagaalaga ng anak. Dahil patuloy ang pagtaas ng standard ng pamumuhay ngayon, kailangan mag-tulungan. Not unless gusto mong mamatay yung isa sa katatrabaho, go wag mong tulungan! ‘Di mo ba naiisip ito?: ang ina, ine-expect mo na mag akyat ng pera pandagdag gastos at the same time, paguwi sa bahay, alagaan ang mga anak nyo, magluto ng pagkain kinabukasan, gwain ang mga gawaing bahay. Katulong? Kaya nga kayo nagtutulungan sap era para may pandagdag gastos magkakatulong pa ba? Tapos ikaw, simpleng simpleng magakyat na nga lang pera, di mo pa magawa ng ayos. O ngayon, sinong maspagod sa inyong dalawa? Sinong mas may diskarte? Sinong mas bonga?

Pride Flag

The Rainbow Banner

Rainbow... technically, it's a spectrum of photons, which when fused, becomes a specific electromagnetic radiation; the visible, white light. (anu daw?)

The rainbow is a representation of the LGBT community. Bakit nga ba? They say we are colourful; we are perky, fun to be with, delicate, fierce, glamorous, exciting, ecstatic, sexy, deadly, and a whole lot more of description you could ever think of. And of course, what could possibly be the best symbol to fuse all these description but a rainbow.

Actually, the rainbow has long been known to represent peace in Italy and international co-operative alliance in Europe. It has been adapted by the LGBT community as a symbol of pride. The different colors represent diversity and at the same time unity. There are originally 8 colors and was reduced to 6 today; pink and turquoise has been removed. These 6 colors, red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple, are used in the Pride flag. There is no specific orientation as to what colour is on top as per Gilbert Baker, the gay artist who conceived of the The Rainbow Flag as a symbol of Gay Pride; it may be flown either red up or purple up, likewise that each gay person is free to be “oriented” in any direction. Today it is recognized by the International Congress of Flag Makers, and is flown in lesbian and gay pride marches worldwide. The flag is often use to mark gay friendly, gay safe establishment so you want to be sure that your target clientele will recognise you. It's very good to know that our voice and stand have been heard today; fortified by the rainbow flag. It gives us the fundamental, added strength to stand and rise. It gives hope to those who are still hiding for it is good to know that when you come out, you will never be alone. More importantly, this symbol really makes every gay citizen even prouder than what they are...

-Rodrigo, a proud rainbow citizen

Labels or Love?

“Labels or Love” - Fergie

Shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of

I already know what my addiction is
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
I shop for purses while I walk out the door
Don’t cry, buy a bag and then get over it
And, I’m not concerned with all the politics
It’s a lot of men I know I could find another one.

What I know is that I’m always happy when I walk out the store, store
I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

(Chorus)
Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love’s like a runway, so what’s all the fussing for
Let’s stop chasing them boys and shop some more

I know I might come off as negative
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
Relationships are often so hard to tame
A Prada dress has never broken my heart before
And, ballin’s something that I’m fed up with
I’mma do the damn thing, watch me do the damn thing

Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames
I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

[Chorus]

Gucci, Fendi, Prada purses, purchasing them finer things
Men they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings
I’m into a lot of bling, Cadallic, Chanel and Coach
Fellas boast but they can’t really handle my female approach
Buying things is hard to say
Rocking Christian Audigier, Manolo, Polo, taking photos in my Cartier
So we can’t go all the way, I know you might hate it but
I’m a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love

[Chorus]

_______________________

I love this song form Sex and the City; it is played on the credits part of the movie. It’s about a high-end lady who loves signature clothes and accessories more than having a man in her life... or some sort like that.

Gucci, Fendi, Prada, Dior…even Christain Audigier! Having Dior in her life is way easily managed than having a relationship. When her heart has been wrecked, a signature bag will help her get over it. It might be appalling if you will read the lyrics, but these women exist. Very few of them is already glamorous and have a tremendously glamorous life; some of them just gave-up on love and turned to labelled clothing to release frustration and loneliness; some are collectors; but most of them can’t really afford but like glamour and will do anything to get it, this is where the sugar daddies and a whole lot more of wealthy suitors will enter in the scene.

I myself love glamour and signature line of clothes, but I see to it that it came from me. What’s with these clothes by the way? I even asked myself these same questions. Are they just really clothes, same as every other cheaper ones? My say: NO. They are clothes, but not just any other ordinary ones. For people like me, these line of clothes and accessories are different. Differ where? High-quality, sophisticated sense of style, good coordination of colours, fine clothing materials, and at the top of it all, they are Signature.

E-X-A-M...mahirap nga ba?

Mahirap nga ba magpa-quiz si Rodrigo? Sabi ng mga co-faculty ko oo daw; sabi ng mga estudyante ko oo rin...sabi ko naman, tama lang...

I remembered the first quiz I gave. It was a long one, 90 items. I thought it wasn't hard, I thought it was a give away already; pa'no ba naman halos puro matching type, then yung identification, puro definied terms; I mean walang kaana-analysis! So I thought it's ok to give it since it's my first quiz, the analysis part will be on the succeeding ones. But my oh my! to my very surprise, only one passed! Can you believe it? I was so depressed, I doubted myself for quite sometime, I doubted my capability to convey knowledge, to teach effectively. So this became a very good lesson to me. Since then, ayoko na ng quiz na halos puro defined terms na kelangan lang sauluhin. I design an exam that is really overwhelming to the students but is effective in developing critical thinking. I want my students to develop this part of their grey matter; after all, this is what we use in the real world especally those who really want to excell in their professions/careers.

If you're not good in analysis, you'll be out-thrown very easily.

Perky souls' day

Last Saturday was one great get-together party!

Bonn and I hosted our very first house party held in his place. Originally, we’re supposed to go to Malate for the Halloween, but since his folks are out to the province, no one’s going to watch the house but he and his sister. He didn’t want to leave her alone, so instead of going out, we brought the party inside his home…isn’t he a good brother or what? Awww…hahaha. We held it there, with the thought that his folks would be back the following day. Anyway, the get-together wasn’t really extravagant of some sort. It was simple and small, loud music, foods, cigars and lots of vodka; a party that was more of an “inuman” session but with loads of style! Well, what can we say, style is in our blood… LOL. It was held on the roof-top and we finished the setting with balloons and candles; those candles we’re in his possession since college and we only used it last Saturday! The ambience was perfect for the night; especially it was all souls day.

Around 9 in the eve, our friends came…dinner started. We’re glad they liked the food. It was gourmet by the way. Paris had to go, to meet his boyfriend so Muajng, Jeff, Bonn and I were the one’s left. We were waiting for the other Cashmians, as mujang coined the name, to arrive but they didn’t. After sometime, Adrian came; he’s one of Bonn’s close friends. So we continued on chit-chatting, Bonn and mujang taking photos and lots of laughing. Lots of how-are-you questions popped, drinking, then laughing out loud until the unexpected came; Bonn’s parents came! The two of us were in a big shocked! I mean, we expected they’d come back the following day since they would be going to the province; but to our big surprise, they didn’t! So Bonn went down and told us he’d handle it. I wanted to go with him but he insisted he’d take care of it. After around a minute or so, he came back and I was very relieved they didn’t scold him. So the bonding/party/photoshoot continued until sunrise. We were all so tired and groggy, but it was all worth it. We hosted our very first party, our friends came, some flames had been revived (or ignited? to whichever person it would be appropriate,) lots of talking and even more laughing…it was all worth it. Thank you all guys. It was just our first, there’d more parties we’re going to host; next time, it’s gonna be greater!

Nararapat nga ba?

Isang maintrigang hapon ang sumalubong sa akin kahapon. Katatapos lang ng klase ko at nang pumasok ako sa Dean’s office, sinalubong ako ng tanung ng isa sa mga co-faculty ko.

“Sir, ikaw may problema sa sweldo mo?”

“Wala naman ma’am,” sagot ko.

Marami sa mga pala ang hindi nakakuha ng sapat na sweldo ngayon buwan.

Magakano nga ba dapat ang sinusweldo ng mga guro, pangkabuuan? Magakano ba dapat ang ibinabayad sa mga nagtuturo sa kolehiyo. Depenede…depende sa paaralan/kolehiyo, depende sa unit/load.

Kanya-kanyang iskima ng pagpapasuweldo ang iba’t ibang kolehiyo/unibersidad. Ang mga professor sa kolehito ay binabayaran base sa dami ng unit at sa rate ng nagtuturo. Ang rate ng profesor malalaman depende sa Academic Rank; nagsisimula sa Instructor, Asst. Professor, Assoc. Professor at Full Professor. Ang ilang unibersidad ay may tinatawag na Universty Professor na masmataas pa sa Full Professor. Kapag tumaas ang rango, tumataas rin ang sweldo. Pero paano yung mga mababanag rango at maunti lamang ang units na ibinigay sa kanaya? Dun nagkakaroon ng problema.

Papasok ka ng maaga kung may klase ka ng alas-syete; gagawa ka ng lessons at exams; magche-check ng mga papel; a-attend sa mga meeting at seminars; magahpon na magsasalita sa klase; halos maghapon nakatayo at nagsusulat; mamomroblema ka pa kapag ang mga estudyante any hirap makasunod sa lesson, kapag mababa ang nakukuha sa exams. (alam nyo ba na kapag mababa ang marka ng mga estudyante, nalulungkot ang guro? akala ko nung una ay pambobola lang ito ng aking mga professor, pero nung ako na mismo ang nagtuturo at naranasan ito, totoo pala.) Tapos kapag nagtuturo ka pa sa Kolehiyong pang-Agham, kinakailangan mo pang gumawa ng research at makapaglathala sa mga jornal pang-internasyonal, at alam nating lahat na hindi biro ang gawin ito; kaalinsunuran nito ang pakikipag-collaborate sa ibang mananaliksik upang na hahanapin mo pa sa iba’t ibang sulok ng mundo. Ganito ang basic na pangaraw-araw na ginagawa ng guro sa kolehiyo at marami pang-iba.

Ngayon, makatarungan kaya na ang ibayad sa mga gurong-pangkolehiyo ay 500 piso kada unit? Papaano nalng kung ang ibinigay sa iyong unit’s ay anim (6)? Ibig sabihin ay susuweldo ka lamang ng 3000 kada buwan? Ito ang pilit na ipinaglalaban ng mga guro sa kolehiyo, maging ng mga guro sa mababa at mataas na paaraln; na madagdagan ang sahod.

Kung inyong tatanungin, bakit nga ba kami nagtityaga sa pagtuturo? Iba’t iba ang maririnig nyong dahilan kung bakit nagtityaga; ang ilan ay maganda, ang ilan hindi gaano; ngunit marami pa rin sa amin ang nagtuturo dahil sa kagustuhang mahasa an karunungan ng mga magaaral. Sa maniwala kayo o hindi, ito’y katotohanan. Oo, pinili namin ang propesyon na ito, na ‘di gaanong kalakihan ang sweldo kapalit ang serbisyong iginugugol, ngunit nararapat ba ito? Marahil maaari n’yong isumbat na

“e pinili nyo yang trabaho nay an, pag-tiisan mo.”

Nararapat nga bang pagtiissan lang? Marami sa amin na bukal sa loob na magturo, ngunit nakatira rin kami sa realidad na kung saan tumataas na ang halaga ng pamumuhay. Maari mo ring sabihin na

“Umalis ka at humanap ng trabahong mas mataas ang sweldo.”

Kung marami sa amin ang gagawa nito, sa tingin mo magkakaroon kaya ng mga nusrses, doctor, siyentipiko o inhinyero?

PLEASE! Do have it done already!

Busy busy busy... Busy where? go and have a guess. There are tons of things I want to do lately, but am too busy for those. Take for instance this blog account. I have made this days ago, but only until this night I have posted an entry... initial blog entry. Everyday, since God knows when, I want to shout my thoughts out... thoughts on different things, lots of things, issues.... thoughts that have already accumulated over these past few days, or should I say years? I wish I could remember it all! Hmmm, what else do I want to do? Ahh, shopping! This is one thing I haven't done lately; clothes, accessories, gadgets. I have checked my clothes and whew! Are they consumed by the closet or what? It seems like they decrease everyday and my storage space widens. I am tired of seeing, not to mention wearing, the same set of clothes. I want something new. How do you think I am supposed to have things that will fill spaces on my closet? I think you know the answer. Shopping!

Other things on my WANT-to-do list:

• get new hair style
• jog every morning
• look for laptop
• buy white sneakers
• have a vacation!

You may ask why not do it on weekends. Well, it's for the very simple and same reason that my weekends are busy too, and I like it that way! haha! Anyways, these are just some of the things I want to do. Sometimes, I’m wondering, if we have more than 24 hours a day, maybe, just maybe, I will have lots of time to do these things…. and even more. But hey, we only have so much time, better spend it well and not concentrate most of it on few things.